A lot of filing, giving things names

I have tired of the current stage of myself. I desire modification, evolution. New thoughts, new views, new places to direct my energy. I'm different from before but I still have the quiet rage, it just comes from a different place than before. It's from a harsher place now. Similar in doubt but with stronger evidence. Self sabotage from a lack of trust, steeped in betrayal. Past friends dried up from denied shoulders. Ever pressing questions surrounding my absence from that circle and the likelihood that I couldn't fit in if I tried and that I possibly never did. The probability that I expected too much from friendship and will never be comfortable enough to expect it again. The sad thought that the lack of expectation will keep all future friendships at arms length until they fade.

I have been exiled three years now and I still feel the effects. Time to find a new mental approach. Those people are gone now. Time to re-organize files and records.