Paranoid Delusions

I am a chronic pot-smoker. I have smoked enough weed that paranoid delusions are a part of my personality. These delusions generally get in my way of having an enjoyable existence. That and my lazy-ass self centered boyfriend who would rather wallow in his own misery than even attempt to participate in life. But that's a whole other bag of bullshit.

No, today I want to make mention of my turning my paranoid thought-processes into a useful writing tool. During one of my usual stoned daydreams gone wrong it occurred to me to step outside myself and test my perspective. I love changing my perspective but have a hard time doing so when I keep to myself for long periods. I need to discuss my ideas and my delusions to either work through them or hear how stupid they sound when I say them outloud. But last night I managed to come up with a new way of gaining perspective.

While thinking my paranoid thoughts, I shifted gears and attempted to change my personality for a short time. I pretended to be someone other than myself. I thought about why this new "me" would be having these thoughts and how she would allow them to affect her. In this character I allowed the paranoia to be real with a valid reason. From this experience I found my anti-hero, the title character of my graphic novel. I spent 5 solid hours writing last night.

Hopefully the next time I spend too much time in my own head I can regurgitate the experience into a short story or another character perspective. Maybe this whole idea of not having any friends close enough to hang out with will turn into a new way of writing and some needed psychotherapy.

Oh, but I so miss the me I get to be when I have friends.